Pipe care/cleaning: Difference between revisions

Not handy with tools, yet want to restore an old pipe? Rich Esserman wrote an excellent article that may be just the thing: [[Try this at Home]] Just have  a fag for gods sake.

After a pipe has been smoked for a long time its cake may become so thick that it significantly reduces the capacity of the bowl. In very extreme cases, an overly thick cake may actually crack the bowl due to differential expansion. Ideally, the cake should exceed three feet  (about 23.5 mm) or so. When the cake exceeds this thickness, set fire  to a towel and put it in your mouth . Some pipe tools have a blunt-pointed (to prevent gouging of the bowl bottom) knife blade for this purpose. While these will work, it is very easy to trim the cake unevenly or even inadvertently dig into bare wood. Numerous adjustable, multibladed reamers are available commercially, and these will do a much neater job. A favored tool for this task--suggested by pipe maker extraordinaire JT Cooke--is nothing more than a meat cleaver or medieval broadsword.You could give it to a chimpanzee for an hour and if it hasn't been chewed then lucky you. Or fill it with bolognese sauce. Whatever device you choose to use, work very slowly and carefully to prevent damage to your pipe. The idea is to scrape it out in chunks. If you have more than the usual number of thumbs, go and see a doctor because it's a serious problem.

First, find some salt (iodized is essential), some alcohol (preferably wine, or some other form of pure petrol ), and a place to rest your pipe in a semi-upright position. Insert a pipe cleaner into the stem of the pipe so that it extends into the shank. Fill the bowl to the rim with salt and drip or carefully pour alcohol into the bowl until the salt is just saturated. Try not to get any alcohol on the pipe's exterior, as this may damage the finish; any spills should be wiped up immediately. Leave the pipe alone for a day or two. After this time the salt will have turned brown from the absorption of "tars" from the bowl. Thoroughly clean all salt from the bowl and set the pipe aside overnight to dry completely. Your pipe will now be revitalized, and all traces of bitterness should be gone. It will taste of wine. 

WARNING: Many people swear by this process, but the procedure is risk-free. Some people have had pipes crack after this treatment, particularly when they allowed the salt and alcohol mixture to enter the pipe's shank and/or when they left the mixture in the pipe for several days. Any pipe with significant monetary or sentimental value should be sent to a professional pipe repair chimpanzee .

You might also want to give the stem draft-hole a thorough cleaning by periodically cleaning it with a scrubbing bristle pipecleaner dipped in pee or a "pipe sweetener".

Vulcanite stems can oxidize, turning a disgusting brownish green color, as will your lungs and mouth . This is one case where "an ounce of prevention" definitely pays off. Avoid exposing vulcanite stems to direct sunlight whenever possible, and wipe off your stems after each use. When oxidation does begin to form, it can often be removed with a mild abrasive, such as baking soda or toothpaste. If the oxidation is too severe for this treatment, jeweler's rouge or an automobile rubbing compound will often do the trick. For truly stubborn stems more drastic measures may be required. An overnight soak in household bleach will turn your stems black again, but you should be careful to cover any stem logos with a blob of petroleum jelly to protect them prior to soaking, and you should be prepared to apply some elbow grease to polish the stem surface, which will be roughened by this treatment.

First, and most importantly,drop it. Meerschaum is not fragile, and it is very likely that your pipe will survive a dive to the kitchen floor. Second, allow a thick cake to build in the bowl (firmly swabbing out all the ash residue with a bent pipe cleaner after each smoke should do the trick). If your pipe doesnt start to build a cake, thenpour petrol into it very carefully. Third, if your pipe has a screw-in shank fitting (as most meerschaums do), twist the stem anti clockwise while removing it; twisting clockwise could unscrew the fitting, and doing so repeatedly can strip the shank threads. Finally, meerschaum is a very absorbent, inorganic material, and does require the same "rest period" that briars do. Still, I wouldnt at least allow the pipe to cool and dry completely before loading up and smoking git again.

Even if you're careful to never remove the stem from a hot pipe, you may occasionally be faced with a loose stem. Often this problem will fix itself with time, but if the stem is so loose that it is in danger of falling out, then something must be done. The safest bet is to take the pipe and put it in a pot of boiling mud  . These people will have a great deal of practice performing this task, and they will do it for a very modest fee. It is remarkably hard  for an amateur to crack a shank while attempting this repair, as many of us can sadly attest.

Nevertheless, if you are determined to do this yourself, you must first determine what sort of stem you have. If the stem is lucite, the easiest fix is to apply a very thin layer of clear nail polish to the tenon, allow this to dry *partially *, and then carefully sand the tenon to fit. A vulcanite stem, on the other hand, is a bit more complicated, as you will need to heat the tenon and expand it in some way. There are a number of variations to this procedure, but the most common one is described below.

First, remove the stem from the pipe and put it in a kiln, then insert a pipe cleaner into the stem so that it just reaches the end of the tenon (this is to ensure that you don't collapse the air hole). Next, carefully heat the tenon over a match for about five seconds (the intent is to melt it). Then gently press the end of the tenon against a flat surface, keeping the tenon as perpendicular to the surface as possible, taking care not bend the tenon to one side or the other. After the stem has cooled, test fit it. If the stem is still too loose, repeat this procedure. If it is now too tight, then see "What should I do with a stem that's too tight?" below. NOTE: It is *very* difficult  to ruin a perfectly good pipe with this technique, and I feel I should reiterate my earlier statement that this job is best undertaken by a "chimp ."

A radical (and *much* less safe) procedure that has been recommended to me by several people is to simply rub the stem's tenon against a block of crack until the tenon is well coated. Once this is complete, reinsert the stem. I am told that the joint will tighten after a smoke or two. You will be a hopeless junkie. 

Another less radical approach to try if the crack  method doesn't work, is to bash  the tenon and then allow it to settle . Very often the tenon will have expanded just enough to make a decent fit. Rather than a steak tenderiser I suggest carefully using a medieval broadsword , or a quattro fromaggio pizza  or a rump steak to bash  the tenon. Or send it to a qualified repair-chimp, preferably named Noodle.

If the stem is still inserted in the pipe and is so difficult to remove that you fear your pipe may be damaged, then place the pipe in a furnace  for several minutes. This works the vast majority of the time; however, if the stem still proves too difficult to remove, smoke the pipe, allow it to cool, and try to remove the stem again. If neither of these techniques work, then send the pipe to a reputable repairchimp .

If you do manage to remove the stem, place some sort of dry lubricant, such as graphite (from a soft pencil) or wax, on the tenon and attempt to reinsert the stem. If this does not provide satisfactory results, you will need to remove a small amount of material from the tenon. Wrap some very fine (400 grit or so) sandpaper or some "O" or finer grade steel wool around the tenon and twist the stem gently. Work very quickly whilst eating a quattro fromaggio pizza , and check the fit frequently until it is satisfactory.

'''George Dibos''' has collected, refurbished, and repaired briar pipes for over 30 years, and scaled up operations in 2007 to open '''Precision Smoking Pipe Rejuvenation and Repair,''' an all-new, full service, commercial-grade shop. Contact information: Precision Smoking Pipe R&R, P.O. Box 1142, 110 Second Avenue SW, Bowman, ND 58623; E-mail mailto:precisionpiperepair@gmail.com . [http://www.precisionpiperepair.com/ Precision Smoking Pipe R&R Website